If you have a heart, I’m sure it’s been shattered more than once. Some might say it’s the curse of being human and feeling. Yet, who would you be without this heartbreak? What would your relationships look like or feel like without this?

To be wounded or in pain is the greatest invitation to relationship

What does that mean?

In the simplest terms, there are parts of you that experience pain (through heartbreak or not) and are asking for help. If you’ve been dumped or cheated on, parts of you had that experience and are needing support or to learn how to trust again.

If you’ve been through divorce or lost your lost one, there are parts of you that needs to feel OK and that it’s safe to love again.

Parts are aspect of consciousness, and are extraordinarily powerful and always working for you to have the best possible outcome (even if it might not seem that way).

Ex: a part of me wants to find my true One and love again, yet a part of me is terrified I’ll be hurt again.

If you can turn attention towards those parts, that’s where the greatest invitations is and how to come into greater rapport with yourself and have a better relationship with yourself.

What’s tricky though is we’re not taught to sit with our pain, our parts and how befriend any of it. We’d rather do anything else – scroll, swipe, buy, another round and to find / use any distraction to help take the pain away.

We generally want solutions and to understand how to get out of the pain as quickly as possible and that’s ok.

And yet, pain is the ripest moment to encounter one’s true self, god as you know it to be and the possibility for great and profound healing.

Pain is the path of true healing when you can be courageous enough to turn towards it rather than away from it.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in doing this work for almost 15 years is that no one should feel ashamed for their pain as it’s the greatest invitation for profound healing, growth and intimate relationships with self and others.

We usually grasp for a process out of the pain but the first step to true healing is to just simply be with the pain.

How does one do that?

It might sound so simple, and yet the practice is pretty badass work. Here are the two simple steps to move through pain and heartbreak:

1. Acknowledge when something hurts.
2. Breathe.
3. Put a hand on your heart and breathe (I know I said two steps but the third is particularly nice. The body releases oxytocin – or the love hormone – when it’s touched so it can be a really nice thing to do while breathing).

It sounds so simple in theory, and yet it can take tremendous courage to practice this.

The true gift though is that you become the safest place for you. You become the comfort, grace and love you need and desire. You become the one to heal your broken heart and put the pieces back together again.

You become the haven and home you’re searching for.

For more tools on how to practice this and other ways to transform pain into healing and growth, you can visit my YouTube. It’s a new channel and yet it will grow with leaps and bounds as I work to build a library and community devoted to positive change in themselves and the world. I invite you to join. You’re also welcome to share this post with someone in need by emailing below.

Ashley Paquin
December 27, 2022