Self-worth, unworthiness and not feeling good enough.
So many people have pain with this and it’s one of the biggest topics talked about around here (along with sex, money and life’s purpose).
Here are some ideas around worthiness to which you can decide for yourself what is good and true:
People’s definition of “worth” is very personal. My definition and yours are going to be very different and experienced very differently in life.
There’s no 1 x magic way to cure not feeling good enough because it is so personal.
Humans have decided or developed their intrinsic sense of worth by the age of 3.
At this point, it becomes the foundation for our identity, similar to how beliefs work.
What can be helpful for you if you’re wanting to develop more worthiness or to feel good enough is to explore these questions:
- If you don’t feel good enough, to whom or what are you comparing yourself to? Who is actually worthy enough? Does an apple tree wonder if it’s taking too much sun or rain from the other apple trees? No. It deepens its roots and grows its fruit.
- If you don’t have this mysterious substance called “worth”, who was absorbing all the “worth” oxygen when you were a little one? Who was withholding worth from you? Maybe parental figures weren’t able to model certain things to you and that created a self-worth deficit of sorts. These are tricky things that can get passed down from parent / caregiver to child and at such a young age. And we assume or presuppose that your parents simply didn’t know how to offer worth to you versus them holding it back from you. That’s the most respectful way to consider all people in that everyone is doing the best they can and if they could do better they probably would.
- Where specifically do you struggle with feeling worthy or good enough? Is it asking for what you need and knowing those needs matter? Is it in loving and being loved? Is it in learning and trying new things? Is it the right to be here just as you are?
Discovering where specifically you don’t feel “good enough” can be the best place to start to bolster self-esteem and confidence. It’s like finding the needle in the haystack, but a very important needle indeed.
That, in addition to doing things dubbed “self-care” can be quite impactful in building up or redefining your sense of self-worth and how you feel about yourself.
March 27, 2023